General Musings

So Mistress Darkside is away so I am trying to capture some general thoughts to distract me from her absence. She has left me uncaged which is infuriating as I would normally be touching myself all alone but I had my schedule last night and my cock has to therefore stay untouched in my panties. The recent hot weather has meant that my dressing up has been limited to silky panties at night as the humidity has made the prospect of a full outfit too intimidating. I thank myself lucky that my mistress is understanding and fair.

What hasn't abated is my desire for my mistress to humiliate me by making me serve a big cock in front of her. I continually analyse why this is as I have no desires for a male relationship and to be frank the idea of touching a man's body kind of repels me and certainly any image in my mind of kissing a man isn't something I could ever consider. Regardless I am driven horny to distraction at the thought of sucking a big cock or even being taken by it. The idea of being a slut is very attractive and doing that dressed up with lots of men at the whim of my mistress is the ultimate humiliation. My outward appearance is generally conservative, middle class and my mistress always remarks on how I think of things as dirty. Just my use of the word dirty probably reflects my conservative up bringing and explains more my desire to be all those things in our new

lifestyle. I am also relatively successful in my work life so the combined submission of being instructed to serve is no doubt tied up in it. Humiliation is a big part as I still recall an incident from my early teens when a girlfriend who much older and experienced got my cock out in front of her friend. She was doing it to explain how small it was and I still tingle with the recollection of them both laughing and pointing as a I stood there frozen to the spot. Imaging that from dominant males who I typically chose to 'out-alpha' on a daily basis in work is an subtle extension of that.

The biggest challenge is reassuring my mistress that these desires are not about not wanting her or wanting something different to her. My reassurance to date has been less than perfect but fundamentally everything we do in our submissive relationship has my mistress at the core. My love and devotion to her has never been in doubt for me but the change in our roles has allowed me to express that to her so much better. The removal of my role as a man and simply her slave means that I can focus on pleasing her and the relief in knowing that any argument is simply ended by her words makes my life so simple. If I only have her as my mistress and to serve then that will always be enough as that is everything already... Feeling good now so going to drive to meet my mistress and have a wonderful weekend. I must go choose some nice clean panties.