'Tis the season to be girly

Xmas is a time of giving and I received my presents early from my mistress this year so it would allow her the maximum amount of time to enjoy them. My stocking was literally full of a new wardrobe of sissy underwear for me to wear in the evenings. I have been wearing panties since the beginning of our new relationship and I still get aroused when I pull on a pair of panties in the morning. The arousal continues when I am out purely off the 'what if I was found out'' scenarios I run through my mind as I go about my daily business.
On a recent trip though we increased the wearing of underwear when we went out to shop. It was a thrilling experience following my mistress dutifully around the underwear shops and my cheeks burning with embarrassment as she held out items from the rack and asked me what I thought. The biggest issue was finding sizes but we managed and I was made to carry around the items before we paid. Again the thrill was of being found out and I found myself desperately trying to hide the size labels as it was clear that these sizes were not for my wife. She left me to pay alone and I was fidgeting in the queue as my little cock grew as I was an isolated male in the queue of women and I could see my wife behind the shop assistants smiling knowingly at me. On that trip we bought negligees and sexy little outfits that felt wonderful to wear but so humiliating to look at myself in. My mistress took pictures and if i ever crave that feeling of humiliation i simply look them up and stare at myself posing in the outfits. In some I have been made up with red lipstick and others where i am sucking on a large black cock. I was quite the little girly posing for my mistress and she wanted to embrace that by fucking me with her big strap on.

She had already had me once on that week long trip and that was a very primal fuck where she had strapped on the big cock following a long bath and then bent me over and rammed all seven inches into me. It was the first time I felt over powered by the feeling of being taken and I literally put my head down and bit into a towel to muffle myself. Normally I will play the slut and ask for it harder but on this occasion that was not happening. She pounded me until she could not even stand and just when I thought this was my chance for release she unstrapped the cock and then used her hands to fuck it into me even harder. I experienced that feeling of being absolutely filled and the sensation of being stretched was overpowering. Having my ass stretched to the limit is not something I would put on my tick list but this was certainily an occasion where I would have given anything to have her force as much of her hand in me as possible and make me squeal for mercy.

After a fucking like that I would have needed weeks for recovery but my posing in all the sexy underwear seemed to have inspired my mistress and only the next day I was soon ordered into my garter and stockings. This is her preferred outfit to fuck me in and she has bought me a number of garter belts for Xmas that makes my ass tingle at the prospect of wearing. This time it was a far more different experience and she had laid me on the bed and supported herself with cushions and slowly grinded the big cock inside me. With the frilly outfits and fishnet stocking and my legs forced back and wide open I have never felt more feminised and I stroked my nipples and even talked in a feminine voice. The conflict was really quite over powering as I do consider myself masculine and the wearing of underwear is more of humiliation. I have avoided the discussion on wigs as I see that as making myself more like a woman whereas my objective is to make myself look like a man wearing female underwear. On this occasion though the humiliation was playing the role and even more gratifying was the look of delight that it gave my mistress as she saw me to succumb to new depths. I entered subspace under her spell of sissification and she rewarded me with the pleasure of seeing her orgasm  as she grinded the big black cock against her clit squeezing her big round beautiful breasts to the climax.
Since then she has frequently requested that I play out the role of girly slut and I am only to happy to comply especially if my reward is to be fucked like the little bitch I long to be.

The rulebook

With some time off work and some favourable feedback from my mistress on my last two entries I am encouraged to try and sustain momentum on posting. I thought I would share with you some of the rules that I live by under my mistress. The rules have grown as we have grown and I am assuming that this is something that will continue as she and I evolve. We have never actually written them down so this will serve as a important documented reference for myself. I also have to admit to a certain amount of trepidation at the prospect of overlooking one of the rules and what my mistress would think of that. The biggest change I have had to make is to try and be selfless which was difficult as I was quite selfish. Only documenting rules that resonate with me would expose any residual selfishness that still remains... Well here goes:-

1. No arguing back what my mistress says is the law... Obviously a foundational stone but so difficult to initially adjust to. Life is so simple when accepted though. If I do put up an argument out of reflex or a forgotten habit then she is quickly able to shut me down by reminding me of my role. Obviously I will be punished then or later to ensure my indiscretion is marked as unacceptable. This rule is almost the master rule as it covers so much. I never made Tea at home but now she requests and I go running. Any number of household jobs that I would have simply expected her to fulfil because I was out there earning a wage are now mine to do. She retains key household chores simply because she is at home more and she also declares that my time would be much better spent earning money for her. It's amazing though that I will now jump up and let the dog out even though I am tired and its late simply because she tells me to. I am almost beyond the point that my brain even thinks of protesting. 
2. I am not allowed to cum without her permission... When we first began it was a month gap, then three months and since June I have not cum. If I am honest I do not mind this as I find that my sex drive and attention are significantly enhanced through denial. My mistress delights in playing with my little cock and therefore I have discovered the delights in 'edging'. I remember the comedown that follows ejaculation and I have no desire to experience that. I was offered as many ejaculations as I could muster in a day a few days ago as a reward but I turned it down simply because I enjoy the submissive aspects of denial. Spilling my cum feels too much like my old persona.
3. I have to focus my attention on her when I am with her... In the bedroom this means that I am stroking her, looking at her, talking to her and typically licking her greedy pussy to a delightful orgasm. My challenge is when we are outside the bedroom and I have to kick myself if I am looking at my phone or another distraction. It's typically these areas that I fail my mistress and she stores up punishments for when I ignore her. My own submission though typically compels me to to pay her attention and our relationship is a thousand times better as a result.
4. I have to request permission for time for my things such as going out with friends, playing video games... anything. Just because I ask I now find myself naturally moderating my requests... all part of the training.
5. I am not allowed to touch myself without her permission... This is much harder than not cumming as I obviously enjoy the pleasure of getting to the edge and staying there. My mistress likes me playing with my cock in front of her and I am lucky that most of my requests in our bedroom are allowed. I am away with work often though and I am only allowed a 20 min period in the evening to touch. It ensures that when I get home that I am quickly subservient though so I am earning the right to touch in bed.
6. I have to wear panties daily to work and around the home. She does allow me to wear normal underwear if I am going to the gym later. When I am in panties I am her Slut and I love the constant reminder through the day of my role. Initially the wearing of female underwear was a humiliation in front of my mistress but we have developed beyond that. The threat (and thrill) of humiliation if anyone apart from my mistress saw me wearing panties is still very real though. She now has me wearing more elaborate outfits; stockings, frilly nighties in the evenings which adds to the feeling of me entertaining her as her slut. 
7.  She can fuck my ass whenever she wants... When she requests I have to go prepare myself and then come back and face her big 7" inch cock. Again this plays to my slut role and I now an accomplished 'bottom'. 
8. I must ask permission to drink wine or any alcohol... 
9. I must piss sitting down. We created this rule whilst on our recent trip and I must say that the sensation of having to pull my panties down and sit is still very humiliating.

I am sure I have missed something but I am sure my mistress will remind me later. My only hope is that its not too severe a miss. I am sure some of these rules seem rather sedate to others in relationships but we are just starting and these work for my mistress and that is all that counts. I am always intrigued in other rules that subs have from their mistresses so feel free to pass on yours as comments.

So that's where it came from!

Well I haven't exactly got this off to a great start as my blog posts still number 1. I have had many situations where I have thought that's something I should write down and I think I will just need to train myself to not want to create some masterpeice of literature and instead just get it down and out there. I kept referring to my wife as domme last time but I don't call her that in our relationship and she simply prefers her name used although obviously in a submissive way. I don't typically even refer to her as Mistress but for the purpose of this blog that is what I will use.
We recently went away for a week for my mistresses birthday. It was to be a week of exploration and it was certainily that. The biggest challenge is maintaining this lifestyle around the reality of kids, work and other pressures and we find ourselves trying to squash lots into a free day but you simply can't beat the luxury of a whole week in servitude. It was an amazing week and certainly a revelation where we found how many different 'views' there are to our relationship but all under the banner of my submission. Having done trips previously as man and wife we would have been active sexually but in a more traditional sense with 'fucking' and 'cum'. For the entire week in our new lifestyle I did not cum once and I was not allowed to put my little cock in my wife once. The worship of my mistresses pussy was the foundation of our week and I am still amazed at her capacity for orgasms from my mouth. I love her demanding me to go down and 'see to her pussy' and the reward of her orgasm each time which because we were away was always loud and passionate. My mistresses pussy is now covered with a fleece of bushy dark hair. It has been that way since we first explored the origins of my submissiveness where we used a series of lessons that were written by a dominatrix. I have been  searching for the actual website but since my mistress owns all the material I can't easily find it. Perhaps my mistress will read this blog and then post a link in the comments.

The exercises were a revelation for me and especially the questions that had been prepared typically after I had been beaten or fucked into submission. This subspace state seemed to give me access to memories that I would never had recalled as my previous self. The question was "When I first felt a feeling of submissiveness to a women?". As I lay there with my ass stinging and cradled in her lap I remembered the occasion vividly. I was a child at home (I am guessing 10-11) and we had friends of our family staying over. Although I remember referring to them as Auntie, Uncle etc they weren't actual relatives just very good friends of the family. The Auntie in question was actually a very jolly lady (as were the family) and always happy and we always looked forward to weekends where we would get together.On this occasion it was at our house and she and her husband were staying in my bedroom and all us kids had been chucked into one room as you did back then. I remember being told to go get some socks and I had run upstairs and without thinking barged into my bedroom where I was confronted with the image of my Auntie getting dressed. The image is stamped in my memory of her standing there in a black bra but more importantly a thick black thatch between her legs. At that exact point I remember her snapping at me "What was I doing?" and I blurted out that I needed socks. She snapped at me again to "Shut the door and hurry up". The combination of this naked woman towering over me and also her uncharacteristically snapping at me still makes me shiver with the thrill. As I closed the door and turned around she had still not moved and instead pointed at the draws beckoning me to get on with it. Chastised as I was I could not remove my eyes from her pussy. There was no recollection of any definition of lips or anything like that just this thick dark bush that stood out vividly. She did not hide her body but for the record I do not believe that there was anything sinister behind that. I remember her continuing to snap at me telling me to "hurry up" and at that point I got the socks she dismissed me. All the time she was standing there with her hands on her hips and pointing at where I should go. I remember trying to steal a final glance as I got to the door but its as if she sensed that and the tone in her voice that reinforced that I should leave kept my gaze away from her.
I told this story to my mistress and from that day forward she has kept her wonderful pussy thick with hair. I delight in burying my face in her mound and probing to find her large dominant clit. I was always keen to lick her in our previous life but now its my be all and end all. I am intimidated by her pussy to the point that if she does allow me to put my cock inside her it will shrivel up but also reach a peak of excitement almost immediately. My performance with my head between her thighs is far better and I crave the approving feedback of my mistress as I bring her to orgasm again and again. I delight in the knowledge that my introduction to my submission began so long ago and more importantly that I have been able to recall that in partnership with my mistress. Although as a man I am growing smaller and more insignificant I do feel my self growing through my own self awareness and openness. This is a wonderful journey and its only just begun.

My first time

So here it starts... my first blog as a submissive husband. If I was to be more specific then I would probably say submissive sissy husband but that is a bit of a mouthful. I serve my wife who I have been with for over 20 years and we are both in our 40's. I have been formally serving her as my domme for just over 9 months and although I think neither of us would have described the time before we made this change as unfulfilled we certainly both recognise that our relationship is much fuller as a result of this change.

The actual change started from me recognising that I was simply unable to understand or articulate my emotions and specifically my love for her in a way that she could recognise or appreciate. Basically I was a typical bloke who could not communicate and fortunately for me I had a wife who would not tolerate this and we agreed I would speak with a councillor. I did this for a number of months and it certainly helped me in techniques to talk but in the end it was a single event that really drove the fundamental change in the status of our relationship. The event is of no consequence to anyone else and not something I care to share but my wife's response and nurturing of me as I unburdened myself gave me a release I have never experienced. I realised that I adored and was devoted to this women and that I wanted to do more than simply be her husband and equal. I found a thrill in being in her service and dedicated to her and its a thrill that still stirs my sissy little cock when I think about it now.

In hindsight it feels like we actually talked very little about this fundamental change in our relationship. My wife has always been a very dominant character and her sex drive has always exceeded mine as well. She was also very loving and it was my failing to reciprocate that intimacy that was tremendously frustrating for her. In our new roles we have both found new things to develop and its an amazing experience going through that experience together. Both of us have been researching using online resources and blogs have certainly been a large part of that. It's my first real attempt at using blogs but we have both agreed that this will be good for me and especially in my development of expressing myself. I, by no means, believe that I have cured that deficiency and I hope that this will continue my education. I am also intrigued by the confessional nature of putting things down on paper and then archiving them to the internet for everyone to read. It seems that the interactions with other people who understand the situation are a key part of that so I hope that I able to write something that will inspire comment perhaps even from my own domme.