Caged and denied

It's been some while since my last post and as I predicted in my last blog I was treated to the hardest discipline that Mistress Darkside has ever inflicted on me. I am still developing my pain thresholds and my Mistress has accommodated me by being gentle over the last year but my breaking of trust deserved no mercy. Her flogger and paddle were all used but it was the riding crop and cane that brought me to an edge that I had never experienced. Hearing her harsh words with her cane swishing against my bare ass brought genuine tears to my eyes and a need to reaffirm to my Mistress my absolute commitment and to beg for her forgiveness. I know that my betrayal of her trust will not be easily forgiven but I will continue to worship her to  demonstrate my submission.

I was also away for a period after that on business and Mistress was keen to 'own' me upon my return. I always dress up special for these occasions with stockings and lingerie so that I am lowered to the rank of slut in her eyes. As her slut I am always spanked but with none of the force I had previously encountered. I am there to be her sex toy and I served her pussy many times as she began a process of stretching my ass with her array of butt plugs. The culmination is when I am bent over and then used by her and her big black strap on as you can see from the picture. The feeling of being used is overwhelming and the more we indulge the more I identify different elements of submission that arouse me. So far I have identified three:

• Submissive- This is serving my mistress and doing her bidding. My cock is denied ejaculation and her pussy and my only role is to serve. I expect to be treated harshly and without respect.
• Slut- I am hers but I serve for her pleasure. I take her big strap on but we talk about me serving other men and confirming my role.There is a large element of humiliation here but it allows me to let go and express my desires which is very powerful.
• Cuckold- This centres around classic humiliation and I will be allowed no part in the activity apart from 'fluffing' the Master and then watching as my Mistress enjoys a real man reinforcing my pathetic and inadequate cock.

New cross overs continue to appear so for example being dominated as a Submissive slut by a Master in front of my Mistress. I had never considered being submissive for another Mistress let alone a Master but it is a subject she had discussed as I have dedicated myself to worshipping her wonderful pussy. A further development recently has also been the purchase of a Chastity device. I have never thought one was necessary as I have always kept to the rules and schedules set by my Mistress for masturbation without orgasm (my 'schedule'). I am frequently though caught idly touching myself like a lot of men I am sure around the house. It's not sexual just habit. This and my Mistresses desire to take more control of my cock means that I am now made to wear a device. As I sit her now I only have the throb as I get excited just writing this blog with my cock now denied the most basic of pleasures by getting hard. It reinforces that I am hers and I can't wait to see how this experience develops

Preparing my self

I have started writing this blog tn bed the day before i receive a discipline session that I know will leave me red and stinging. I will not elaborate on the reasons but only say that I broek a key trust rule with my mistress. The most amazing thing about FLR is that it has provided us with a foundation so secure that it can sustain such an event. My guilt is clear and not to be debated and I must now accept my punishment like the pathetic little slut that I am. I am tentative about the punishment that I will receive tomorrow but at the same time I am happy knowing that my role is clear and that since I have wronged her I must accept what is coming. As I write my cock has shrivelled up reflecting the diminishing role that it has in our relationship.

Accepting his role

It is there now as an amusement for my mistress and a symbole that I am no longer an equal with a role to satisfy her like other men. My role is to serve her, love her and honour her and never to break her trust again

Cock please

A huge part of my submission and humiliation seems to revolve around cock and specifically big black cock. In the same way as my mistress can bring me to my submissive knees through her words but more often through her paddle and cane I can also be subdued by the presence of a big black cock.

It seems to manifest itself in a couple of ways. In a cuckold scenario where I am humiliated by this superior male taking my Mistress and goddess in front of me and enforcing that I have no role in that equation. My role will be limited to enhancing her orgasms through my mouth, ensuring her lover remains hard but ultimately to do what I am told whilst I stand there in my little sissy outfit.

It feels like we grow ever close to the prospect of fulfilling the cuckold fantasy but in the meantime my submission is fulfilled by the big strap on that my mistress wields. How I enjoy the sensation of having to gag on that big cock as she pushes my head down. I would never consider myself gay but I am intrigued with the prospect of being forced to my knees to service a big black bull prior to him turning his attentions to my mistress.

From a submissive perspective though I almost always achieve my sub space as I am pummelled by my mistress from behind.She has a routine that she has developed that starts with discipline through her paddle and whip on my bare bottom as I kneel on the bed dressed in my sluttiest outfit always including stockings and suspenders. As I reach a point of surrender through pain she subdues me with a medium sized butt plug and typically instructs me to give her first orgasm as she talks me through how she is going to continue to test and stretch my sissy ass throughout the night. She also takes great delight in mocking my cock as it always seems to shrink with the sensation of being filled.

After her orgasm comes the first cock. A big thick seven inch black dildo that I am now easily able to accommodate and always brings out the slut in me as I demand it harder. I know that I am provoking my mistress into taking me harder but deep down that is what I want. When her patience runs out she produces a much larger butt plug with a wide girth that she takes great pleasure in ramming into me and with it reminding me of what is coming. As a I lying on the bed she taps me with her cane forcing me to tighten around it and stretching me further. I can feel her dominace growing as she reaches for her 8inch cock. It's a beast of a dildo with a huge girth and she shows me no mercy as she fucks me with it. My slutty pleas are not sissy wimpers but she will not relent. The wonderful thing with this lifestyle is that it always grows and evolves and our last session did exactly that.

With my ass spread and well fucked she proceeded to stretch me further with her fingers. Painfully yanking on my balls as she did it. I could feel her desire to punish me grow as she started to push all her fingers in me and I felt her knuckles at my opening. I have never felt submission like it and although she never managed to fully fist me I know that will one day happen. I can't imagine her having greater control over me as she yanks my balls with her fist inside me. I will literally be her submissive puppet.

Impotence is not all bad

It's been a long time between postings and although I am sure I don't have a massive audience all on the edge of their seat waiting my next instalment I apologise regardless. Perhaps I should simply be apologising to my mistress since I know she reads these posts and I wait with bated breath for a comment off her to confirm I am indeed her bitch and confirm that to the internet world.

So a lot has gone on recently and the most recent development is that I am to be cuckolded. I have always described myself as an aspiring cuckold and always had an interest in porn where a wife is being taken by another man in front of her husband. In a rather traditional way I always prefer that man to be black. Beyond the fact that they are almost always sporting large impressive cocks I am sure the cross racial aspect adds to the humiliation aspect. None of these observations I am sure would be a revelation to the most amateur of psychologists. My mistress announced the fact that she would cuckold me with a price of ensuring that the house was worked on and all the jobs that she required done were completed. I am now awaiting one final jobs completion almost three months on and we have already started looking for prospective candidates.

We have both noticed that since that event that my cock is now far smaller and getting less hard. She describes me as slowly becoming more impotent and the fact that I am unable to service her like a real husband (and a real man) seems to make her more happy. For the record I have not ejaculated now for other 9 months. I can tell you to the day the last time I release which was before I went off on a trip and I was allowed to fill my mistresses pussy with my cum and was then forced to drink it from her pussy. It was over three months that I have not been inside my mistress. When she determined that I was to be cuckolded I requested that I not be allowed to be inside her. My cock can rarely last more than 30 secs inside her without getting excited and it also gets soft as I try to control it rendering it useless other than amusing my mistress with how pathetic I am. My mistress was more than happy to forego and the fact that her pussy will now in the future only be penetrated by real men is a backdrop that will reinforce my submissive role for ever. She is more than happy to inform me that her cock gave her little pleasure before we accepted the lifestyle change we are now very comfortable with. She is much happier it seems with my 'impotent' cock and of course she continues to be served by my mouth whenever she requires it. It's amazing that her orgasm count can sometimes be up to three or four a day all from my mouth when we would have been lucky to have got that to one a day if I had been using my cock. The denial of release and my desire to serve means that I am always ready to serve my mistress and I am very lucky that my mistress has a huge appetite for orgasms as it means I spend a large amount of my time buried between her legs. It is without doubt my favourite way to serve. My cock has become more of a amusement for her now and I remain eternally grateful that she still plays with it in her mouth although she has growing disdain for it if it hardens. Her view of it as a plaything and something to punish is very obvious and her slapping and torture of my cock and balls grows each day.This picture should give you some idea of the fun she enjoys inflicting on me.

'Tis the season to be girly

Xmas is a time of giving and I received my presents early from my mistress this year so it would allow her the maximum amount of time to enjoy them. My stocking was literally full of a new wardrobe of sissy underwear for me to wear in the evenings. I have been wearing panties since the beginning of our new relationship and I still get aroused when I pull on a pair of panties in the morning. The arousal continues when I am out purely off the 'what if I was found out'' scenarios I run through my mind as I go about my daily business.
On a recent trip though we increased the wearing of underwear when we went out to shop. It was a thrilling experience following my mistress dutifully around the underwear shops and my cheeks burning with embarrassment as she held out items from the rack and asked me what I thought. The biggest issue was finding sizes but we managed and I was made to carry around the items before we paid. Again the thrill was of being found out and I found myself desperately trying to hide the size labels as it was clear that these sizes were not for my wife. She left me to pay alone and I was fidgeting in the queue as my little cock grew as I was an isolated male in the queue of women and I could see my wife behind the shop assistants smiling knowingly at me. On that trip we bought negligees and sexy little outfits that felt wonderful to wear but so humiliating to look at myself in. My mistress took pictures and if i ever crave that feeling of humiliation i simply look them up and stare at myself posing in the outfits. In some I have been made up with red lipstick and others where i am sucking on a large black cock. I was quite the little girly posing for my mistress and she wanted to embrace that by fucking me with her big strap on.

She had already had me once on that week long trip and that was a very primal fuck where she had strapped on the big cock following a long bath and then bent me over and rammed all seven inches into me. It was the first time I felt over powered by the feeling of being taken and I literally put my head down and bit into a towel to muffle myself. Normally I will play the slut and ask for it harder but on this occasion that was not happening. She pounded me until she could not even stand and just when I thought this was my chance for release she unstrapped the cock and then used her hands to fuck it into me even harder. I experienced that feeling of being absolutely filled and the sensation of being stretched was overpowering. Having my ass stretched to the limit is not something I would put on my tick list but this was certainily an occasion where I would have given anything to have her force as much of her hand in me as possible and make me squeal for mercy.

After a fucking like that I would have needed weeks for recovery but my posing in all the sexy underwear seemed to have inspired my mistress and only the next day I was soon ordered into my garter and stockings. This is her preferred outfit to fuck me in and she has bought me a number of garter belts for Xmas that makes my ass tingle at the prospect of wearing. This time it was a far more different experience and she had laid me on the bed and supported herself with cushions and slowly grinded the big cock inside me. With the frilly outfits and fishnet stocking and my legs forced back and wide open I have never felt more feminised and I stroked my nipples and even talked in a feminine voice. The conflict was really quite over powering as I do consider myself masculine and the wearing of underwear is more of humiliation. I have avoided the discussion on wigs as I see that as making myself more like a woman whereas my objective is to make myself look like a man wearing female underwear. On this occasion though the humiliation was playing the role and even more gratifying was the look of delight that it gave my mistress as she saw me to succumb to new depths. I entered subspace under her spell of sissification and she rewarded me with the pleasure of seeing her orgasm  as she grinded the big black cock against her clit squeezing her big round beautiful breasts to the climax.
Since then she has frequently requested that I play out the role of girly slut and I am only to happy to comply especially if my reward is to be fucked like the little bitch I long to be.

The rulebook

With some time off work and some favourable feedback from my mistress on my last two entries I am encouraged to try and sustain momentum on posting. I thought I would share with you some of the rules that I live by under my mistress. The rules have grown as we have grown and I am assuming that this is something that will continue as she and I evolve. We have never actually written them down so this will serve as a important documented reference for myself. I also have to admit to a certain amount of trepidation at the prospect of overlooking one of the rules and what my mistress would think of that. The biggest change I have had to make is to try and be selfless which was difficult as I was quite selfish. Only documenting rules that resonate with me would expose any residual selfishness that still remains... Well here goes:-

1. No arguing back what my mistress says is the law... Obviously a foundational stone but so difficult to initially adjust to. Life is so simple when accepted though. If I do put up an argument out of reflex or a forgotten habit then she is quickly able to shut me down by reminding me of my role. Obviously I will be punished then or later to ensure my indiscretion is marked as unacceptable. This rule is almost the master rule as it covers so much. I never made Tea at home but now she requests and I go running. Any number of household jobs that I would have simply expected her to fulfil because I was out there earning a wage are now mine to do. She retains key household chores simply because she is at home more and she also declares that my time would be much better spent earning money for her. It's amazing though that I will now jump up and let the dog out even though I am tired and its late simply because she tells me to. I am almost beyond the point that my brain even thinks of protesting. 
2. I am not allowed to cum without her permission... When we first began it was a month gap, then three months and since June I have not cum. If I am honest I do not mind this as I find that my sex drive and attention are significantly enhanced through denial. My mistress delights in playing with my little cock and therefore I have discovered the delights in 'edging'. I remember the comedown that follows ejaculation and I have no desire to experience that. I was offered as many ejaculations as I could muster in a day a few days ago as a reward but I turned it down simply because I enjoy the submissive aspects of denial. Spilling my cum feels too much like my old persona.
3. I have to focus my attention on her when I am with her... In the bedroom this means that I am stroking her, looking at her, talking to her and typically licking her greedy pussy to a delightful orgasm. My challenge is when we are outside the bedroom and I have to kick myself if I am looking at my phone or another distraction. It's typically these areas that I fail my mistress and she stores up punishments for when I ignore her. My own submission though typically compels me to to pay her attention and our relationship is a thousand times better as a result.
4. I have to request permission for time for my things such as going out with friends, playing video games... anything. Just because I ask I now find myself naturally moderating my requests... all part of the training.
5. I am not allowed to touch myself without her permission... This is much harder than not cumming as I obviously enjoy the pleasure of getting to the edge and staying there. My mistress likes me playing with my cock in front of her and I am lucky that most of my requests in our bedroom are allowed. I am away with work often though and I am only allowed a 20 min period in the evening to touch. It ensures that when I get home that I am quickly subservient though so I am earning the right to touch in bed.
6. I have to wear panties daily to work and around the home. She does allow me to wear normal underwear if I am going to the gym later. When I am in panties I am her Slut and I love the constant reminder through the day of my role. Initially the wearing of female underwear was a humiliation in front of my mistress but we have developed beyond that. The threat (and thrill) of humiliation if anyone apart from my mistress saw me wearing panties is still very real though. She now has me wearing more elaborate outfits; stockings, frilly nighties in the evenings which adds to the feeling of me entertaining her as her slut. 
7.  She can fuck my ass whenever she wants... When she requests I have to go prepare myself and then come back and face her big 7" inch cock. Again this plays to my slut role and I now an accomplished 'bottom'. 
8. I must ask permission to drink wine or any alcohol... 
9. I must piss sitting down. We created this rule whilst on our recent trip and I must say that the sensation of having to pull my panties down and sit is still very humiliating.

I am sure I have missed something but I am sure my mistress will remind me later. My only hope is that its not too severe a miss. I am sure some of these rules seem rather sedate to others in relationships but we are just starting and these work for my mistress and that is all that counts. I am always intrigued in other rules that subs have from their mistresses so feel free to pass on yours as comments.

So that's where it came from!

Well I haven't exactly got this off to a great start as my blog posts still number 1. I have had many situations where I have thought that's something I should write down and I think I will just need to train myself to not want to create some masterpeice of literature and instead just get it down and out there. I kept referring to my wife as domme last time but I don't call her that in our relationship and she simply prefers her name used although obviously in a submissive way. I don't typically even refer to her as Mistress but for the purpose of this blog that is what I will use.
We recently went away for a week for my mistresses birthday. It was to be a week of exploration and it was certainily that. The biggest challenge is maintaining this lifestyle around the reality of kids, work and other pressures and we find ourselves trying to squash lots into a free day but you simply can't beat the luxury of a whole week in servitude. It was an amazing week and certainly a revelation where we found how many different 'views' there are to our relationship but all under the banner of my submission. Having done trips previously as man and wife we would have been active sexually but in a more traditional sense with 'fucking' and 'cum'. For the entire week in our new lifestyle I did not cum once and I was not allowed to put my little cock in my wife once. The worship of my mistresses pussy was the foundation of our week and I am still amazed at her capacity for orgasms from my mouth. I love her demanding me to go down and 'see to her pussy' and the reward of her orgasm each time which because we were away was always loud and passionate. My mistresses pussy is now covered with a fleece of bushy dark hair. It has been that way since we first explored the origins of my submissiveness where we used a series of lessons that were written by a dominatrix. I have been  searching for the actual website but since my mistress owns all the material I can't easily find it. Perhaps my mistress will read this blog and then post a link in the comments.

The exercises were a revelation for me and especially the questions that had been prepared typically after I had been beaten or fucked into submission. This subspace state seemed to give me access to memories that I would never had recalled as my previous self. The question was "When I first felt a feeling of submissiveness to a women?". As I lay there with my ass stinging and cradled in her lap I remembered the occasion vividly. I was a child at home (I am guessing 10-11) and we had friends of our family staying over. Although I remember referring to them as Auntie, Uncle etc they weren't actual relatives just very good friends of the family. The Auntie in question was actually a very jolly lady (as were the family) and always happy and we always looked forward to weekends where we would get together.On this occasion it was at our house and she and her husband were staying in my bedroom and all us kids had been chucked into one room as you did back then. I remember being told to go get some socks and I had run upstairs and without thinking barged into my bedroom where I was confronted with the image of my Auntie getting dressed. The image is stamped in my memory of her standing there in a black bra but more importantly a thick black thatch between her legs. At that exact point I remember her snapping at me "What was I doing?" and I blurted out that I needed socks. She snapped at me again to "Shut the door and hurry up". The combination of this naked woman towering over me and also her uncharacteristically snapping at me still makes me shiver with the thrill. As I closed the door and turned around she had still not moved and instead pointed at the draws beckoning me to get on with it. Chastised as I was I could not remove my eyes from her pussy. There was no recollection of any definition of lips or anything like that just this thick dark bush that stood out vividly. She did not hide her body but for the record I do not believe that there was anything sinister behind that. I remember her continuing to snap at me telling me to "hurry up" and at that point I got the socks she dismissed me. All the time she was standing there with her hands on her hips and pointing at where I should go. I remember trying to steal a final glance as I got to the door but its as if she sensed that and the tone in her voice that reinforced that I should leave kept my gaze away from her.
I told this story to my mistress and from that day forward she has kept her wonderful pussy thick with hair. I delight in burying my face in her mound and probing to find her large dominant clit. I was always keen to lick her in our previous life but now its my be all and end all. I am intimidated by her pussy to the point that if she does allow me to put my cock inside her it will shrivel up but also reach a peak of excitement almost immediately. My performance with my head between her thighs is far better and I crave the approving feedback of my mistress as I bring her to orgasm again and again. I delight in the knowledge that my introduction to my submission began so long ago and more importantly that I have been able to recall that in partnership with my mistress. Although as a man I am growing smaller and more insignificant I do feel my self growing through my own self awareness and openness. This is a wonderful journey and its only just begun.